Santa’s Playbook: Surprise Gifts for Every NFL Team This Christmas!

Ho! Ho! Ho! The NFL season is in full swing, with half of the teams still dreaming of playoff spots nestled in their Christmas stockings, while the other half are already eyeing the New Year. Every fan yearns for a touch of holiday magic, hoping their team avoids an early elimination before the festive cheer kicks in.

Regardless of whether their team is struggling, thriving, or simply holding onto the hope of future success, Santa has a gift in store for every franchise this holiday season. Each team and fan base deserves something special to brighten their winter.

Here’s a unique gift for each of the NFL’s 32 teams:

Atlanta Falcons: Currently, the Falcons are hoping for Kirk Cousins to regain his form and guide them into the playoffs. When they finally reach the postseason, they will have a choice: either rise from a 28-3 deficit and claim victory or start strong with a 28-3 lead and finish with a commanding win. While this may not erase the memories of Super Bowl LI, it’s a step in the right direction.

Buffalo Bills: Santa has spent some time in Buffalo, and he knows that the community has a unique resilience when it comes to facing adversity. The Bills’ fans still celebrate the teams that faced four consecutive Super Bowl losses in the early ’90s. Thus, the gift this year is a trip to Super Bowl LIX, coupled with a perfectly timed gust of wind in the Superdome during Tyler Bass’s game-winning field goal attempt. After all, “wide right” is a legacy that needs to be acknowledged.

The Bills are hoping Santa brings them a trip to Super Bowl LIX.

Carolina Panthers: For owner David Tepper, the gift is patience and sanity. Since acquiring the team in 2018, he has experienced significant upheaval with three general managers and seven head coaches in just as many seasons. If he can take a step back, he might see the potential developing under coach Dave Canales and quarterback Bryce Young, who need time to flourish.

Chicago Bears: Rookie quarterback Caleb Williams is in need of stability, so his gift is a consistent playbook that he can rely on for the next three years. Having already worked with two offensive coordinators and two head coaches in just 13 games, a stable environment will help him grow and contribute to the franchise’s future success.

Cleveland Browns: While a lump of coal may seem fitting for the owners due to the hefty contract given to Deshaun Watson, fans deserve better. Thus, they will receive a year with Jameis Winston at quarterback. Though he has his flaws, he may provide a better chance for wins compared to Watson.

Will Browns fans receive another season of Jameis Winston at quarterback?

Dallas Cowboys: The Cowboys organization, from owner Jerry Jones down, could benefit from a dictionary. This would clarify what it truly means to be “all in” and ensure everyone understands the commitment required to pursue a championship, avoiding the confusion that often arises.

Denver Broncos: For Sean Payton, a plaque in the Ring of Fame alongside legends Mike Shanahan and Dan Reeves would serve as recognition for his efforts. Although it’s early in his tenure, this gesture would remind the franchise to support him fully as he seeks to turn the team around.

Detroit Lions: Santa may still be cautious about visiting Dan Campbell’s home after his infamous kneecap comments, but the joy he’s brought to Detroit is undeniable. The Lions deserve NFC Championship rings and a trip to Super Bowl LIX, marking a significant milestone in their history.

Green Bay Packers: With a legacy of franchise quarterbacks, the Packers are gifted with a promise that Jordan Love will be a steady presence. Unlike Brett Favre and Aaron Rodgers, who brought both brilliance and challenges, Love’s consistency could lead to future championships.

Houston Texans: Though they don’t hold the rights, the Texans will receive a chance to wear the classic Luv Ya Blue uniforms with an oil rig on their helmets for one home game each year. These uniforms symbolize a rich history that should never have been forgotten.

Indianapolis Colts: With Andrew Luck now overseeing Stanford football, the Colts are set to receive the rights to the next standout quarterback from the program. After a period of instability at the position, this could mark a new era for the franchise.

Jacksonville Jaguars: Instead of the anticipated Bill Belichick, the Jaguars will receive a game program and ticket stub from their last victory over the Texans. This serves as a reminder of better days in a season filled with challenges.

The Chiefs have little on their wish list after recent successes.

Las Vegas Raiders: The Raiders will receive a promising quarterback, Shadeur Sanders from Colorado, on Draft Day. His electrifying play could revitalize the franchise, especially with Deion Sanders likely making appearances to boost excitement.

Miami Dolphins: For quarterback Tua Tagovailoa, a pair of Isotoner gloves will be gifted, reminiscent of Dan Marino’s favorite brand. This could provide a touch of nostalgia and perhaps improve performance in challenging weather conditions.

Minnesota Vikings: In a surprising twist, Santa is giving quarterback Sam Darnold a $100 million contract, recognizing his potential after a challenging career. His recent performance has raised eyebrows, and this contract will affirm his role as a long-term solution.

Can the Patriots move past the ghosts of Christmases (and playoffs) past?

New Orleans Saints: The Saints are reminded of better days, and their gift is a reunion with former player and assistant coach Aaron Glenn as their new head coach. This could signal a return to success in the Big Easy.

New York Jets: Instead of another quarterback, the Jets will receive a head coach with experience, Mike Vrabel. After a long stretch of instability, this choice could provide the leadership necessary for the franchise’s revival.

The Eagles would be pleased with an MVP for Saquon Barkley this Christmas.

Pittsburgh Steelers: Whatever Mike Tomlin desires will be gifted, as his decisions have consistently proven successful. The Steelers are headed to the playoffs again under his leadership, and if he has a specific request for the team’s Super Bowl aspirations, it will be fulfilled.

San Francisco 49ers: This holiday season, the 49ers will reclaim their competitive spirit, which has been elusive in recent years. After facing multiple Super Bowl disappointments and injuries, it’s time for the football gods to smile upon them once more.

Seattle Seahawks: Fans will be rewarded with an electrifying atmosphere reminiscent of the “Beast Quake” during a home playoff game. This gift will reignite the excitement and energy that made Seahawks games a formidable experience for opponents.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Baker Mayfield has shown resilience in the shadow of Tom Brady, and for Christmas, he will receive healthy receivers. With Chris Godwin and Mike Evans back on the field, the Buccaneers could return to championship contention.

Tennessee Titans: After parting ways with Mike Vrabel, the Titans will benefit from his absence as he seeks opportunities elsewhere. This will spare them the challenge of facing him twice a year if he lands in the AFC South.

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